i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
