As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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