so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
