since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
