I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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