SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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