Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
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The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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