Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
