I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
