UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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