So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
