Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
