I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's never too late to be topless.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This is the high leading the old right now
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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