Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
