thus making me awesome and them whores
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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