how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Is it penis luge time yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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