I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
