I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
