Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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