Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
