I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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