Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I am spending my child support on dildos
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
