FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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