Apparently you make a good broom.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
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Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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