Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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