your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
