Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
