So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
