i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize