I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Too much gin, very little bucket
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
