Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
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i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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