all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize