I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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