He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
