I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
