I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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