life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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