You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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