well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
