Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
