Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
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Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
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People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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