i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
