She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
