those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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