I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
