goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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