Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
