So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Randomize
