so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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