Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
