I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
