God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize