Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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