Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I have aggressive nipples.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
