Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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