You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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