You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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