Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
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I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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