i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
