Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
