I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
